Have We Lost Sight of True Friendship in the Church?
What Are We Missing?
How can a church believe it has everything—needing nothing—when in reality, it is poor, pitiable, blind, and naked? The Laodicean church experienced a rebuke like no other. They had conflated their physical state with their spiritual state. In all their accumulation of wealth, they had become spiritually homeless. Similarly, the Western church lays claim to record numbers in the church, but hardly any semblance of friendship. The meaning of friendship has been lost. The purpose of it, the beauty of it, the holiness of it, and the glory of it.
The Father designed Christian friendship to be the primary means by which the world knows Jesus. If we fail in friendship, we fail the mission. Friendship is not just a cure for loneliness, it is the backbone of the Gospel. Friendship is our witness to the world, it's how we bear fruit, and how the bride of Christ is made ready. When we understand fellowship as God intended, we will partner with the Father in His glorious mission - one with eternal, unimaginable reward.
If the world is going to find out who Jesus is through our friendship, it is certain the world cannot teach us what we need to know about friendship. The books we read, the movies we watch depict a very poor and limited presentation of friendship. Let's lay aside our worldly perspectives of friendship, and look to the only true example of friendship.
Embrace the Impossible
There are many who will tell you what to do, and how to do it, but few will show you, and far less will help you. The lawyers in Jesus day would load men with burdens (laws), but not lift a finger to help. This was in stark contrast to Jesus ministry. He told us what to do, He showed us what to do, and He helps us to do through the Holy Spirit, our Helper. God's standard for friendship is clear in His Word. He demonstrates this kind of friendship, and the Holy Spirit has been given to us to pull of the impossible. And it is impossible. If godly friendship can be achieved without the Holy Spirit, it's not godly. The standard is very high, but also impossible for men to attain. It can only be attained when we abide in Him. In fact, everything can only be attained through Him because without Him, we can do nothing.
I want the impossibility of true friendship to so permeate your thinking, that it brings great joy. If this sounds contradictory, hear me out. If there was any chance we could accomplish this in the flesh, we would. We need to respond to God's standard of friendship the same way the disciples responded to Jesus' eye of the needle, "Who then can even be a true friend?" I believe Jesus would respond, "Yes, with man this is impossible, but not with God, for with God all things are possible." And this is where we need to live. We must become weak, so that He can become strong. The vision of friendship must take us directly to the throne of grace. Do not pass go, and do not collect $200.
The Biblical Standard of Friendship
In John 17, Jesus prays to the Father not just for His disciples, but for all who would believe in Him. His prayer is clear, "may they be one as we are."
“Now I am no longer in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to You. Holy Father, keep through Your name those whom You have given Me, that they may be one as We are.” - John 17:11
Much debate has surrounded the mystery of the Trinity, but whatever we believe about the Trinity, we know that Jesus is making intercession for us to have the same oneness. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are our standard of friendship. This should seem like an impossible standard to our carnal mind, because it is only when we accept our inability to attain it that we can walk in faith, relying on His ability to accomplish it.
The greatest commandment is that we love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves, because all the law and prophets hang on this. He who loves another has fulfilled all the law. It's hard to miss what the Lord intended for fellowship.
The Lord says that sowing discord amongst friends is an abomination. A great many of the sins all have to do with fellowship: from gossip and slander, to hatred and bitterness, from division to unforgiveness, and countless others. We should expect these in the world, but not in the church.
The most important aspect of unity, is the unity of the faith. We are to encourage one another to faith and good works, and if anyone causes a little one to stumble in their faith, it would be better for a millstone to be tied around their neck, and for them to be thrown into the sea. We are to see that everyone is levelling up in their faith. Every trial that we go through is intended to level our faith, and the faith of our friends. Think about Peter's trial, where the Lord said that He was praying for Peter, that His faith would not fail. Jesus also prayed that when he had returned back to Him, that he would strengthen his friends. We need to grab ahold of this thing, and run with it.
God's standard of friendship is intended to be impossible for man, that is what makes it so special, because it is not by might nor by power, but by His Spirit. If it were possible in the flesh, the world would be able to attain it, and how would the world know that we are His disciples if we looked just like them. The point is this: We must abide in Him, we must learn from Him if we're going to be true friends.
Our Mission
Friendship was central to Jesus' mission, and it is central to ours. Isaiah 61 serves as Jesus' mission statement, which He has passed on to us. Jesus didn't just hand us the keys to the kingdom and leave us to figure it out; He modeled kingdom life for us. As He is in this world, so are we. He showed us how to live as the firstborn among many brethren. He even declared that we would do greater works than He did because He was returning to the Father, and we would continue His work. The mission is clear.
“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, Because the Lord has anointed Me To preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound; 2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, 3 To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” - Isaiah 61:1-3
This profound scripture reveals the Father's heart for mankind: bringing good news to the poor, healing to the brokenhearted, and liberty to captives. It promises release from prison and a perpetual jubilee. It offers justice against our enemies, comfort for the mourning, and beauty for ashes. It provides the oil of joy and the garment of praise, establishing people as steadfast oak trees. This was Jesus' mission, and now it is ours - finding captives and setting them free through the power of the cross.
When we see our friends in need - whether brokenhearted, held captive, bound in chains, unable to walk in victory, mourning in ashes, or weighed down by heaviness - we move by the Holy Spirit to bring freedom. This is our mission. And when they become oaks of righteousness, the Father gets the glory. We are on mission for the King.
Some of the more religious people in Jesus' day wanted to get all the rules figured out. "Who exactly is my neighbor that I need to love as myself?" I think they may have tried to make that circle as small as possible, as we so easily find ourselves doing today. Jesus on the other hand enlarges the circle of friendship in His amazing parable of the good Samaritan. Whoever we find as we go about our day has the potential to be a neighbor. Go and make neighbors, offer them freedom.
So which of these three do you think was neighbor to him who fell among the thieves?” 37 And he said, “He who showed mercy on him.” Then Jesus said to him, ‘Go and do likewise.’” - Luke 10:36-37
This is how the whole world will know that we are His disciples, if we have love for one another. Going about the Father's business is as easy as having compassion and keeping your eyes open. You don't need a seminary degree or years of experience - just one encounter with the freedom described in Isaiah 61 that you can share with others..
True Fellowship
Jesus said, 'greater love has no one than this, that he lays down his life for his friends,' and demonstrated this on the cross, calling us to follow. While we might dismiss this as referring only to dramatic acts of sacrifice, Jesus was teaching a daily way of life. This may ultimately result in physically laying down our life. Paul illustrated this when teaching husbands to mirror Christ's relationship with the church.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.” Ephesians 5:25-27
Jesus loved the church so much that He gave His life for the church to be all that it was called to be. The purpose of His death was to sanctify and cleanse the church with the washing of water by the word of God. Why? So that at the end of this dispensation, He may present the church to Himself as a glorious church without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, holy and without blemish. This was what Jesus died for, to bring us living water, which is His word by the Spirit. These are the words that cleanse, and wash to make the church perfect. If we're going to partner with the Lord on His mission, this is what we need to be doing. This is how we set the captives free. This is the good news. The Spirit of the Lord is upon us to preach this. Early in the morning He awakes our ear so that we can have a word for those who are weary.
When Jesus returns, we're going to present our friends to the Lord, glorious, perfect, holy, blameless, without blemish. This should not be a strange concept. This is the Gospel. This is our mission. He will ask each of us, what did you do with the word that I gave to you? Did you bury it? Did you hoard it? Or did you use the word of God to do business producing a profit?
“Him we preach, warning every man and teaching every man in all wisdom, that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus.” - Colossians 1:28
The Servant Friend
We must understand that this role the Lord has given us is not as one who is superior to our friends. The manna we share with our friends is shared as servants, washing the feet of our friends. If Jesus, who is Himself the Word takes the role of the servant to minister to His friends, how much more should we also not minister in the same spirit?
Jesus wrapped a towel around his waist, and took the role of the servant as He washed the disciples feet. An act so precious, and so profound. And He tells us to do the same.
“So when He had washed their feet, taken His garments, and sat down again, He said to them, “Do you know what I have done to you? 13 You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet.15 For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you.” - John 13:12-15
Notice his question, "Do you know what I have done for you?" He says this because this precious act was not to be taken literally. It was far more important than that. He demonstrated what sharing the Spirit-filled word of God, life giving water to our friends is like. He was telling us that those who share living water, take the role of the servant and wash each other's feet. Our saved friends are already clean. They don't need to bathe. But their feet are dirty from walking in the world. We take the servant's towel, kneel down and share living water with our friends. We're doing our part in preparing the bride.
When we come together with our friends, in small groups, or just two of us, we may notice that they are weary. But we are ready for this! He woke us up early this morning so that we may have fresh manna from Heaven for our friends, and those who will become our friends today. As we share, the Holy Spirit moves and their countenance changes. Their burdens are lifted. They feel light. They're experiencing hope, and joy. It is like finding an oasis in the desert. This isn't the leaders responsibility. The Lord is waking all of us up early in the morning to receive manna for our friends, unless we have forgotten who we are.
And when Jesus returns, we say, Lord, see here are my friends whom I've prepared and made ready for you. They're clean, they're sanctified.
Partnering with the Father
“I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3 You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.” - John 15:1-3
In much of the Western church, the kindness of God has been over-emphasized, while His severity is often downplayed. We must behold both His kindness and His severity if we are to stay on the path of life. John 15 is a powerful word that Jesus gave to us. It's easy to focus on the kindness of God, which is that the Creator of the Universe desires fellowship with us. He wants to make His home with us. But, it also contains the severity of God, easily overloked, "every branch that does not bear fruit He takes away," and "if anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned." If we're going to be honest about this scripture, and the other of Jesus parables, we know that Jesus is a business man. He gave us all talents, and mina, and He is coming back to find a return on His investment. Jesus was about His Father's business at twelve years old, sharing the Word of God in the temple. He was doing the Father's business right up until His last breath, saving one of those who were crucified with Him. He is the greatest leader to ever walk the earth.
The Father is in the fruit business. We produce the fruit of the Holy Spirit within ourselves, and then we show others how to produce this fruit. We show our friends, and our friends show us, and then we make friends, and show them how to produce fruit, until we all come to the unity of the faith, to the perfect man, to the fullness of the stature of the image of Christ. It's that simple.
The fruit is produced by the manna from Heaven. Our job is to abide in the vine, receive the fresh manna, which produces fruit, and to share this manna with others so that they also may bear much fruit. This is how the Isaiah 61 mission is accomplished. We are made free, when we know the truth. The words the Father gave us will not return void; they will accomplish everything He intended. What are the chances of success? We have this promise, that was given to the disiples, that they were chosen to bear much fruit, and that their fruit will remain. At the end of this age, the Lord will call everyone to give an account, just as in the parable of the talents. What fruit did we produce?
Everything the Father has was given to Jesus, and everything Jesus has, He has given to us by His Holy Spirit. Jesus is the Word made flesh. The words that He speaks are Spirit and they are life. This is how we produce the fruit. We must believe in Him, so that living waters will flow out of our heart, producing fruit everywhere we go.
Manna for Our Friends
Jesus shared the parable of the friend at midnight so that we may understand these truths. In it, Jesus describes true friendship and the power of the Word of God.
“And He said to them, “Which of you shall have a friend, and go to him at midnight and say to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves; 6 for a friend of mine has come to me on his journey, and I have nothing to set before him’; 7 and he will answer from within and say, ‘Do not trouble me; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give to you’? 8 I say to you, though he will not rise and give to him because he is his friend, yet because of his persistence he will rise and give him as many as he needs.” - Luke 11:5-8
This is what it means to lay down one's life for his friends. It may some day result in physical death as it did also for our Lord, if we are blessed to be called to that. However, we can take up our cross daily, and lay down our lives daily for our friends. We do this by knocking on Heaven's door, asking the Father, "Father, I need bread for my friends. They are weary from their journey and they need strength." The Father answers because of our persistence, our sacrifice, because of how much our friends mean to us. And we take this manna and we give it to our friends, and in so doing, we wash their feet, we are used by the Lord to prepare the bride, cleansing, purifying, making them holy, blameless, without blemish, and glorifying them, so that they may be perfect in Christ.
If we're still going to church to be fed, attending small groups to receive, we have forgotten who we are and why we are here. We must repent, change direction, and believe all that He says we are. The Gospel is very simple. We only need to repent, and believe in the Gospel.